From learning to say 'no' in early primary to recognising pressure and boundaries in secondary school, here's how teachers can help pupils understand consent at every age.

Ask a classroom of pupils what consent means and you'll probably hear some version of 'asking permission' or 'saying yes'. That's a good start, but, as we have seen in stories that have dominated the news and social media, it isn't always that simple.

What about someone who says yes because they feel pressured? Someone who doesn't respond at all? Or someone who changes their mind? Meaningful consent also involves choice, understanding and freedom from pressure. It isn't a solid, immovable thing and can be steeped in nuance.

Consent is an important part of Relationships, Sex and Health Education (RSHE), but teaching it effectively means going beyond definitions. Pupils need opportunities to recognise consent in everyday situations, understand their own boundaries and respect those of others. 

The important thing is that pupils don't encounter consent for the first time when they're old enough to discuss sexual relationships. They've already had years of opportunities to practise it.

Our latest VotesforSchools VoteTopics approach the subject across three age groups, starting with a deceptively simple question for our youngest pupils: can you say 'no' to people?

Ages 5-7: Learning that it's OK to say 'no'

You might think that 5-year-olds are pretty good at saying no, and you wouldn't be wrong. If there's food they don't like, something they don't want to do or a bedtime they have no interest in taking part in - if you're around 5-year-olds, you'll hear them say no a lot! But this is also the age that peer pressure starts seeping in, and it gets harder to say no to their friends. It's a time where authority of teachers is becoming more pronounced and they are encouraged to listen and obey. It is also an age where they don't quite have the language to express no - that no may be expressed by hitting or by an uncertain silence. So this is the age for learning how to say no and when they're allowed to refuse something that makes them uncomfortable.

So what can we do?

Practice saying no: Rather than assuming every child feels confident doing so, it is important for pupils to think about how comfortable they feel saying no and whether they know when it's appropriate. Practising language such as 'stop', 'I don't like it', and 'no, thank you' helps them to build the confidence to express a boundary in a clear, comfortable and age-appropriate way.

Introduce the idea of bodily autonomy; Kids aren't great with boundaries so this is the perfect time to introduce the idea that their bodies belong to them and the same for their peers. Many classrooms will practice a choice of greeting in the morning, such as hugs, high fives or waves which is a great way to teach them that consent comes from choice and what they feel comfortable with. Another example of how to do this is by using the NSPCC's Pantosaurus video, which helps younger children understand that their bodies belong to them and that they can speak up if something makes them uncomfortable [NSPCC: Talk PANTS – https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/pants-underwear-rule/].

Give them support: Teaching them to recognise their feelings and speak up if they feel uncomforable is the main aim here and signposting them to talk to teachers, parents, carers or other safe adults if they feel like their 'no' is not being listened to will help make them more confident at respecting their boundary.

This is the focus of our 5-7 VoteTopic on "Can you say 'no' to people?". [VotesforSchools: 5-7 Saying No Lesson, October 2026 – internal lesson, no public URL provided].

Ages 7-11: Understanding consent through everyday situations

As pupils get older, the conversation moves from recognising their own boundaries to understanding how consent works between people. Not everyone feels comfortable with the same things. One pupil might enjoy hugging their friends, while another might prefer a wave or a high five. Neither is doing anything wrong.

Understanding consent means recognising that personal boundaries vary between people and can change depending on the situation. Pupils need to know that agreeing to something once doesn't mean agreeing forever, and that someone else's preferences deserve respect even when they're different from their own.

The 7-11 lesson reinforces these ideas through scenarios in which pupils decide whether someone asking for consent is respecting the other person's response. It also returns to personal safety through the NSPCC's Pantosaurus video, reminding pupils about safe touch and the importance of speaking to a trusted adult if something makes them uncomfortable [VotesforSchools: 7-11 Consent Lesson, October 2026 – internal lesson, no public URL provided] [NSPCC: Talk PANTS – https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/pants-underwear-rule/].

For teachers, these activities offer a way to discuss boundaries without asking pupils to disclose personal experiences. Fictional situations and carefully structured classroom activities can help children explore the subject while keeping the focus on learning rather than individual circumstances.

Ages 11-16: Does everyone understand what consent means?

By secondary school, many pupils will already have encountered the word 'consent' in lessons, online or in conversations with friends. But recognising the term and applying it in real situations are different things.

That's the starting point for our 11-16 VoteTopic, which asks "Does everyone get what consent means?"

Rather than simply revisiting a definition, pupils consider a series of scenarios and decide whether consent is present. They then discuss their reasoning, including why classmates might interpret the same situation differently [VotesforSchools: 11-16 Consent Lesson, October 2026 – internal lesson, no public URL provided].

The purpose isn't to suggest that consent is a matter of opinion. It's to identify where misunderstandings arise and examine what makes agreement freely given and meaningful.

Why silence doesn't mean yes

One misconception worth addressing directly is the idea that someone has consented simply because they haven't said no. They might feel uncomfortable, uncertain, frightened or unable to respond. That's why it's important for pupils to understand that an absence of refusal is not the same as freely given agreement.

Similarly, someone agreeing after repeated pressure isn't necessarily making a free choice. These distinctions matter in friendships and everyday interactions, as well as in intimate relationships. They help pupils recognise why consent needs to be understood in context rather than reduced to a single word.

Consent in the news and on social media

Consent isn't only discussed in classrooms. Young people also encounter conversations about it through news stories, social media and the experiences of people around them.

The secondary VoteTopic includes an activity exploring statements about consent in the media. Pupils consider whether they've encountered similar messages and whether the people involved appear to understand what consent means [VotesforSchools: 11-16 Consent Lesson, October 2026 – internal lesson, no public URL provided].

This creates an opportunity to examine how consent is represented publicly, particularly when complex situations are reduced to short posts, headlines or arguments in comment sections.

For teachers, it also provides a way to discuss the subject without relying on pupils' personal experiences. They can evaluate the ideas being presented, question assumptions and consider what respectful behaviour looks like in practice.

How can teachers make consent lessons more meaningful?

There isn't one classroom activity that will settle every question about consent. But there are ways to help pupils move beyond memorising a definition.

Start with situations pupils recognise. For younger children, saying no, sharing belongings and asking permission provide accessible starting points. Older pupils can consider more complex situations involving relationships, social expectations and pressure.

Give pupils opportunities to practise. Saying 'no' aloud, responding to fictional scenarios and checking whether someone has agreed can help pupils apply what they've learned. The activities should always allow pupils to opt out without explanation.

Ask pupils to explain their reasoning. Rather than stopping at 'yes' or 'no', ask what makes a situation comfortable, uncomfortable or unclear. This can help identify misunderstandings without requiring personal disclosures.

Make room for different boundaries. Pupils should understand that people can have different preferences without either person being unreasonable. A hug that's welcome from one friend might feel uncomfortable from someone else.

Reinforce that consent can be withdrawn. Agreeing to something once doesn't mean agreeing forever. Pupils need to understand that people can change their minds and that those decisions should be respected.

Keep safeguarding in mind. Fictional scenarios can help pupils discuss sensitive subjects without feeling pressured to share private experiences. Teachers should also remind pupils where to find support and follow their school's safeguarding procedures if a concern arises.

The aim isn't to turn every consent lesson into a difficult conversation. It's to give pupils the language, confidence and understanding to recognise boundaries in situations they may encounter.

What do pupils think about consent?

This week's VotesforSchools VoteTopics approach consent through three different questions:

Ages 5-7: Can you say 'no' to people?

Our youngest pupils reflect on how comfortable they feel saying no and whether they know when it's appropriate.

Ages 7-11: Do you understand what consent is?

Older primary pupils consider what they've learned about permission, communication and respecting other people's decisions.

Ages 11-16: Does everyone get what consent means?

Secondary pupils explore whether understanding a definition necessarily means recognising consent in real situations [VotesforSchools: Consent VoteTopics, October 2026 – internal lessons, no public URLs provided].

After exploring their weekly question, pupils have the opportunity to vote and compare their views with those of other young people taking part nationally.

The questions are deliberately different, reflecting the ways pupils' understanding can develop as they grow older. But they all return to a shared principle: everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected.

Teaching consent is an ongoing conversation

Consent isn't something pupils learn once and then never need to revisit. A five-year-old who learns that they're allowed to say no is developing an important foundation. A ten-year-old who understands that permission can be withdrawn is building on it. And a teenager who can recognise pressure, hesitation and coercion is developing skills that matter in their relationships and everyday lives.

The examples become more complicated, but the underlying principles remain familiar: respect other people's boundaries, communicate clearly and recognise that everyone has the right to make choices about themselves.

Understanding consent isn't simply about knowing what to say. It's about knowing how to treat other people.

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